The Things of This World

So lately I've been struggling a lot. I've been stressed to the limit I guess you could say, and my body is finally on over load. It's crazy how stress can affect the body. I'm trying to learn the balance of how to handle stress well outwardly, yet not let it eat away the inside of me.

Sometimes I wonder if my world will ever be alright. I get so frustrated and stressed over certain issues in my life that I can't get beyond the mess I've made of things.

Through out my life I have been so blessed with things. I have a wonderful family, despite our hardships that we have all endured together. I've never truly wanted for anything in my life. I have two grandmothers and a grandfather that love me and have blessed me so much with their knowledge of life, caring spirits, and genorosity that I do not deserve.

Ever since moving to Warsaw full-time, and not just as a student, I have been given so many wonderful opportunities to meet new people and build awesome relationships with so many. God has done so many wonderful things in my life, and blessed me in more ways than I know, and despite all of His genorosity to me, I still manage to screw up everything. Now this isn't one of those statements where I need someone to comment on how I'm not a screw-up. I am. I've made a lot of mistakes, especially in the last year and a half. Lately I've really had to re-examine my life and find out what is important to me.

This next declaration is going to sound ridiculous, but I love fashion and I love shopping, and in the past, not the so distant past, actually yesterday and today even, I have made this love of fashion and shopping a god for me if you will. It has definitley become a lifestlye for me, and it has to STOP. I'm tired of buying all of this stuff, that yes makes me happy for the time being, but really is just a bunch of crap. I've not been using my money to benefit others, only myself. I hate that about myself, and I'm ready for this part of myself to be killed off. I have no idea how I'm going to go about doing this, but the fact is, that if I don't stop this spend it like I have all the money in the world act, it's going to keep widening the gap between me and God. We're far enough apart as it is. I don't need help keeping us apart.

Please don't take this confession the wrong way. I love God. I believe in God, and I do have a relationship with God. Our relationship is probably the best its ever been right now. He's breaking me. He's making me see what is really important in life. And although I should of learned the lesson that ipods and banana republic clothing are not the most important things in life a long time ago, I ignored that lesson and am paying for it now. I'll rebound from all of this, and I'll always struggle with this life lesson probably, but I am determined to set my priorities not on myself, but rather on God. If you ever think to pray for me, please pray for me in this area: That I'd always be focused on what is truly important and let the bright and shiny things of this world that always grab my attention start to fade into the background and become dull. I love you all, and appreciate and covet all your prayers more than you know. Thanks for listening...